Why?
Why does things have to become more difficult before Christmas?
Why does he have to make me feel upset and sad?
Why can't I feel happy and forget my past?
My abusive step father is coming back that I originally in my mind
put him away like he was dead.
Things will have to change soon, now I feel shaken and unstable,
frightened with hatred, upset like I am drowning in water, lost and cold again
like I was when I were younger.
I can't keep living life like this all the time, now I remember
the three men that physically, mentally and emotionally abused me.
I can't sleep at night very well, I just keep thinking how bad
things will end, I keep thinking that my brother will get hurt or abused like I
did and my older brother.
You can not protect and save everyone you wish to, You can not
stop yourself from seeing his evil eyes that repeats rapidly in your mind, they
watch you sleep, haunt you in your dreams, nothings going to get better and
your life will never been the same.
You will always feel ashamed or want to go insane but nothing will
help even if you call him so many names.
You get reminded everyday of them men, the hurtful pain; the
memories will forever remain as your life sadly drains.
You can never forgive them, never want to see them and never want
to believe in them or even look up to them.
You remind yourself everyday to stay positive you'll get through
this but no they never will.
You drown in your own tears all day because they won't leave you
alone.
I do not know what to do, to face him again because I have to, I
have no choice!
Counseling helps but then you are back to square one when you here
his name, see his picture then one day you thought you defeated that person who
used to be your father.
Now I just have to stay strong and not cry tears when I face him
or even show him my fears.
